Managing Anger
Anger is a common emotion. We all experience it; from mild frustration to rage. One of the keys to managing anger to allow it run its course without being harmful to others or self destructive. Remember that allowing any emotion to control your behavior is not the most effective choice and emotional states are nearly always irrational.
Use these tips to help calm and redirect your anger next time you feel it washing over you.
1. Take a deep breathe
Breathe. Inhale slowly through your nose , hold, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat. Your brain needs oxygen to think and to regulate.
2. Collect your thoughts before you speak
Allow yourself as much time as you need to collect your thoughts before you respond. You DO NOT need to immediately respond to every situation. Allow yourself space to collect your ideas and calm down before you voice your opinion. “Knee jerk” reactions typically do not improve a situation.
3. Move your body
Allow the angry energy to be displaced some place. Take a brisk walk, hit the gym, scream in your pillow, hit a punching bag, etc.
4. Schedule calm into your schedule
Consciously schedule little breaks or positive activities on a day that you believe will be difficult. Give yourself little pleasures to look forward to during the day: your favorite coffee, candle scent, quick text to a friend, etc.
5. Identify locus of control and solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, identify what you are in control of in this situation. Focus energy on those elements. Put your time and effort into finding a solution to the issue that feels the most palatable to you. Work toward the most positive outcome. Remember that silver linings sometimes take awhile to be seen.
6. Stick with 'I' statements
Don’t blame others — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe your feelings and the problem. Be respectful, calm and specific. For example, say, "I felt embarrassed when your friends came over and you did not introduce me to them.”
7. Scale the trigger
Ona. scale of 1-10 how intense is my anger. Will I still remember this irritation in 5 hours, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years? If the answer is no, this can help bring perspective to your anger.
8. Identify and express your feelings
Take and internal inventory and identify what feelings may converge with your anger. Once calm, discuss these other emotions as they will most likely be a the core of what upset you.
9. Practice relaxation skills
Learn relaxation skills that work for you to calm your body down: cool water on your face, aromatherapy, taking a sip of a cool beverage, bilateral activities like biking, walking or drumming, etc.
10. Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems disrupt your daily functioning or causes problems at school, work, home or in relationships.