Grief and Loss Cycle

The grief and loss cycle is a commonly used illustration in mental health clinics. It depicts the complicated, rollercoaster journey toward healing and acceptance after we experience loss. Some small loss, like the car keys for instance, have a quicker cycle than traumatic losses and completed grief the foundation is the same. Remember that while the grief and loss cycle is laid out as stages; the process is not linear. Rather we emotionally bounce between all the stages hopefully spending more time in the acceptance phase than the others.

The 5 Stages of Grief

1. Denial and isolation- this stage is often described as feeling numb, frozen and detached. Cognitions may include “this cannot be happening” and “I wish I would wake up.” Denying that the loss has occurred helps us to get through the initial pain and shock of the loss.

2. Anger- this stage encompasses feelings of rage, irritably, guilt and anger directed toward objects, ourselves, friends, family, strangers, co-workers, the individual we grieve, a deity, etc. The anger channels the strong emotion away for the core of the loss which is vulnerable and moves it to an expression that feels more defendable.

3. Bargaining- this stage includes feelings of regret, guilt and wanting to change various circumstances of the loss that would reverse its occurrence. Cognitions in this stage can be “I would give anything for this not to happen” or “If we had only gone to the hospital sooner.” The bargaining stage allows us to play out different scenarios that we may have had control over to change the outcome.

4. Depression- this stage includes feelings of despair, sadness, fatigue as well as coping with the logistics of the loss. Tearfulness, disturbances to sleep and eating cycles and irritability are also common. Common cognitions include “I cannot get through this” and “I will never feel happy again.”

5. Acceptance- this stage centers around accepting that the loss occurred and feeling at peace or calm as you learn to live with the loss. For some, acceptance may include seeing meaning in the loss around any beauty that came after the loss.